What To Expect When You're Not Expecting
by ShipperWriter
Summary: While on a routine mission offworld, Sam becomes pregnant, but not the old fashioned way. Eventual Jack/Sam. Baby!fic. UPDATED AS OF 3/13/15.
1. Just another day on P5X-482

**Title**: What To Expect When You're Not Expecting

**Author's Notes**: I started writing this story when I was 16, posted three chapters when I was 23, got discouraged and discontinued it, and just decided to revamp it. The storyline is remaining the same, just taking out a few OOC moments and making it feel as much like an episode as I can.

The story takes place in an AU season 8, which means: (a) Janet Frasier is alive and kicking, (b) so is Jacob Carter, and (c) Pete who? Otherwise, everything else is the same: General Jack O'Neill is in charge of the SGC and Lt. Col. Sam Carter is the leader of SG-1. All episodes from season 8, except those that conflict with the above three points, happened exactly as we saw them.

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><p>As the sun began to set on the planet designated P5X-482, casting orange rays on the ground as it did so, Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter pulled back a tent flap at the small base camp that had been established. She stepped outside, surveying the land that she and other SGC personnel had evaluated over the past three days. From what Daniel Jackson had interpreted from the cave drawings situated to the southwest, a civilization lived on this planet about 2,500 years ago.<p>

Of course, as it would happen, something wiped them out.

While out with a recon team a few days ago, Daniel had discovered a new substance in the rock layers that began recurring every 500 years or so by his estimate, and some had been collected for lab analysis. Carter, being the dutiful scientist that she was, had helped to study the sample but found nothing conclusive with the equipment that had been brought off world. She had just finished compiling her report, along with the recommendation to retrieve a sample and bring it back to the SGC for further analysis, when someone outside shouted, "Jackson!"

Sam smiled. Lieutenant Timothy Richardson had a habit of calling people by their last name, even though it had previously led to a disagreement between himself and General George Hammond while he was still the commander of the SGC.

That was when she had stepped outside, shielding her eyes from the blazing sun, and looked towards the Stargate.

Daniel was walking through a man-made narrow pass that allowed the teams to walk straight instead of hiking over the steep hill that made up part of the valley's boundary.

Considering the amount of equipment that had been brought on this little expedition, it was well worth it, despite Linney receiving a sprained ankle as a result.

Carter made her way down the gentle slope and jumped a short distance, landing on the flat ground. As she stood upright, Daniel walked to meet her. "So I just talked to Jack."

She raised her eyebrows. "What did he say?"

Daniel shifted his glasses. "Well, he said he's really busy, you know, being 'the man' but a trip through the 'Gate sounded like fun. So he's gearing up and should be here in ten minutes."

Carter smiled. "Great. The sooner that I can show this site to the general, the sooner my vacation starts."

Daniel crossed his arms. "Is that an April Fool's joke?"

Carter sighed, then chuckled. "No, Daniel, it isn't. I have 54 vacation days saved up. General O'Neill practically ordered me to take a vacation." As they began walking back to the tent, she added, "Why would you say that, anyway?"

"Oh, just something Jack mentioned about your motives for getting him to come."

Carter turned and stared for a minute. "He really thought that I would play an April Fool's joke on him?"

Daniel shrugged.

"Hmm. Good thing I left the Goa'uld voicebox at home," she joked, slapping him on the arm and walking into the tent.

"So you're really going on vacation?"

"Yep. Bought a plane ticket to the Keys. Just gonna relax, soak up the sun, and hopefully catch up on some light reading," she replied, patting a stack of papers and books on the desk.

The archeologist just shook his head. "Whatever floats your boat."

"Daniel, in the last six months, I've only had leave once. And I spent most of it on the other side of the 'Gate looking for a Tok'ra spy that went missing." She grabbed a bag out of the corner and carefully inserted the stack of papers, reasoning, "If the general, despite being 'the man', has managed to make time to go fishing twice in the past couple of months, then I'm allowed to spend the weekend holed up in my lab, hanging out with Cassie, taking a joyride on my motorcycle, or flying to Key West to lie on a beach for five days." She gave him a determined, if mischievous look. "I'm getting my time off. And actually taking it too."

Daniel stepped aside as she exited the tent. "Somehow, I believe you."

She smiled at him, then glanced down to the gorge in the valley wall as she heard the Stargate began to spin. Within a matter of seconds, the wormhole connected and a solitary figure exited.

"That's him," Carter said, dropping her bags just outside the tent flap.

"Most likely."

"No, I know it's him."

Daniel squinted against the rays of sunlight on his face. "How do you know for sure?"

She turned and squarely faced him. "Besides him being the only person due to arrive, I felt all the fish on this planet tremble in fear."

"Just what do the remnants from Jolinar let you do, again?" Daniel asked, smiling humorously as he cocked his head.

She grinned. "I'll go meet him. We'll meet you at the cavern entrance."

He gave a thumb's up and headed away.

Carter crossed the gorge, walking faster than normal, and met Jack O'Neill two thirds of the way to the Stargate.

"Carter. I see you've taken up power walking," he said, taking off his sunglasses and letting them hang around his neck. His outfit was nearly identical to the time that they had again encountered Maybourne, leaving the BDU jacket at home and wearing his standard black T-shirt and green ball cap.

Just like old times, she momentarily thought, then shook her head.

"General," she greeted, nodding politely yet quickly. "Glad you could make it."

"Oh, you know me. I love a good recon trip through the Stargate. Although I'm curious, Carter. I'm gonna read your report anyway, so why'd you insist that I come on site?"

They turned and began walking back to the encampment. "I didn't insist, sir. I merely suggested it. To be honest, I was surprised when Daniel told me that you were coming—"

"Carter," he interrupted, stopping and holding a hand in the air. "I'm kidding. You know I miss going off world. I was just trying to kid your goat a little."

"April Fool's?"

Jack nodded, then turned and began walking again. "It is that time of year."

"Daniel and Teal'c are waiting for us at the caves."

"Yeah, he sounded all giddy. What was that about?"

"To be honest, sir? I don't know. We didn't find anything conclusive about the substance in the walls and—" She stopped short when O'Neill looked sideways at her. "I actually tuned Daniel out after awhile."

Jack beamed. "You get that from me."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

><p>After a brief stop in the camps, during which Richardson unfailingly called the general "O'Neill" and earned himself a steely glare, Jack and Carter finally made it to the cave entrance. Daniel and Teal'c took point, even though he was under the impression that these caves had been cleared, and that left himself and Carter in the rear.<p>

He kept a light hand on his P-90 as Carter's eyes lit up. "This is amazing, sir. I mean, really."

"Carter, easy. You're starting to sound like Daniel."

She suppressed a giggle, then nodded. "Sorry, sir."

O'Neill shrugged. "So. Explain why you're so fascinated again."

Carter could obviously tell he was pulling her leg. She cleared her throat, but began her lecture again. "The cave system is infused with trinium and descends for nearly ten stories, as best as we can tell. It would make an excellent location for an emergency evac site."

"Okay, okay, I get it," O'Neill said, holding up a hand. He knew why these caves were valuable. He had listened full well the first time around. During his tenure at the SGC, he had become a bit of a master at multi-tasking, especially when it involved listening to a tedious report and pretending to stare off into space.

And then, of course, there were times that he just enjoyed listening to Carter ramble.

Unfortunately, as Daniel kept turning around and glaring as he had asked Carter for more information, undoubtedly anxious to share his own, Jack figured that maybe now was a wise time to stop.

As the cavern tunnel made a turn to the right and opened up into a larger room, the stalagmites and stalactites protruding from ceiling and ground at every possible juncture, Jack nodded approvingly. "You forgot to mention the spa."

Carter shrugged. "I was getting there."

He smiled, then looked over at Daniel, who was currently preoccupied with cleaning his glasses. "All right, Daniel. You can present your report to the class now."

Daniel shot him a look, then glanced around the cavern, not noticing the flickering light that was floating in the corridor behind them.

* * *

><p>Sam was checking her watch as discreetly as she could without drawing attention. She realized she was failing when she glanced up quickly and noticed the general's eyes on her, an amused smile on his lips. "Got a hot date, Carter?" he quietly asked her, coming over to stand next to her, elbow to elbow.<p>

She chuckled. "No offense, sir, but I'm ready to go home, finish packing, and hit the beach."

"I know, Carter. Just give Daniel another minute to do his thing so he won't complain the whole way home."

She nodded. "Yes, sir."

Knowing that the archeologist wouldn't be content for at least another five minutes, she took a more detailed look around the cavern. There was a pool of water about fifteen feet away from them, facing a wall, and most of the striking features of the cave seemed to the formed from the water dripping off the stalagmites. There was an opening to the world above through what could best be described as a skylight, and the dimming light from the sunset above caused the room to glow orange and blue and green.

It was a rare and beautiful sight, one not usually seen on most of the worlds that they had visited lately.

O'Neill suddenly nudged her elbow. "Carter? What's that?"

Sam turned around, disturbed out of her contemplation, looking to the area that he was pointing to.

A small light, looking very much like a lightning bug, was floating through the cave. However, instead of a tiny glow attached to a flying thorax, it looked like a ball of light. She almost called it fluffy. It hovered near the entrance to the cavern, then quickly moved to the ceiling.

"Huh," was all Sam could manage to get out.

"'Huh'?" Jack repeated after her.

She shrugged, not knowing what else to say. "It's … interesting."

O'Neill grunted derisively.

She laughed. "What? Can I not use the word 'interesting' anymore?"

"No. I mean, yeah, you can, it's just … I always expect more – high falutin words from you."

Then he moaned.

Carter narrowed her eyes at him. "Sir? You okay?" she asked, reaching out to touch his arm as a frown appeared on her face.

"Yeah," he replied with a gasp of air as he dropped to his knees. "That – I swear, that thing just hit me."

"The light?" she queried, glancing around the room again, worried when she didn't see Daniel or Teal'c anymore.

"Yeah, the light. It's like it just poked me in the stomach. And then went through me. _Hard_."

Sam raised an eyebrow, then felt a sudden warmth combined with a punch in her abdomen. "Oh God, what the—"

She couldn't even finish her sentence. The intense sensation that suddenly sent shockwaves through her body was preventing her from even mouthing anything. Despite a supporting hand grasping her elbow, she dropped to her knees, gritting her teeth, wishing for the pain to subside.

And just like that, it did.

When she opened her eyes again, she saw Jack's brown eyes staring at her in concern. "You okay?" he asked softly.

"I think so," she answered slowly, eyes roaming the area again, looking for the light that seemed to have disappeared as quickly as it appeared.

Right on cue, Daniel and Teal'c walked around the corner.

They broke into a run when they saw their two friends down on their knees, supportively holding onto each other's arms. "Sam, Jack, what's wrong?" Daniel asked, kneeling next to them.

"I don't know, exactly."

Jack glanced up at Teal'c, then back at Sam. "We should get back to the SGC, have the doc check us out."

"I concur," Teal'c agreed, his only words so far this evening.

* * *

><p>Next chapter: what will Janet find when they return home? And why is Sam suddenly throwing up?<p> 


	2. Saturdays at the SGC

Chapter 2 - "Saturdays at the SGC"

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. Just playing with them for a little while.

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><p>As was their custom when returning home from an off world mission, the team headed straight to the infirmary.<p>

What was out of the ordinary was that General O'Neill was leading the way.

Walter Harriman watched from the control room, opening his mouth to ask but quickly closing it as O'Neill and Carter picked up the pace and ran down the corridor towards the elevator.

Daniel Jackson and Teal'c entered the control room to Walter's right. "Doctor Jackson? What's going on?" Walter asked.

"We …" he trailed off, then pinched the bridge of his nose, just under his glasses. "We don't know," he finally replied.

Having an answer for everything, Teal'c was more specific. "Colonel Carter and General O'Neill both claimed to have been infected with an alien presence off world. We should report to the infirmary, Daniel Jackson."

Jackson nodded at him, then glanced back at Walter as they began to walk out. "Let's not get everybody riled up about this until we know something definite.

_Don't say anything_.

Walter understood both messages. "Of course."

As the remainder of SG-1 left, he hung his head and sighed. "Here we go again."

* * *

><p>"Well, according to every test I ran, you both are perfectly healthy."<p>

Jack groaned. He was already aware of the fact, yet Janet Fraiser had still run every imaginable test in her book. _When will doctors start realizing that I am telling them the truth?_

_Someday._

On the bed facing him, Carter frowned as she reached for her jacket. "You're sure?"

"Carter, trust the doc. She's been doing this long enough."

Janet shot him a beady glance of mock indignation, then smiled. "CAT scan didn't pick up anything. Your blood work is normal, save for the protein markers in yours, Sam. Otherwise, I don't have any physiological explanation for what you felt on 482."

Jack leaned forward tentatively. "So, no reason to keep us for observation?"

Janet shrugged. "I feel comfortable releasing the two of you. But as always, if you notice anything else, come see me immediately."

As Janet walked away, the general glanced over at his second in command.

Carter was leaning forward dejectedly, her elbows resting on her thighs. Her hands were clasped under her chin as she thought. She almost looked disappointed that Fraiser had found nothing.

"This still doesn't make sense," she finally voiced, blue eyes looking up and meeting his. "There should be traces of _something_."

"Carter, if you wanna go research it later, fine. But for now, if the doc says we're healthy, I'm gonna accept that. Even _if_ she did threaten me with the big needles for no reason," he muttered under his breath.

She cracked a brief smile. "Yes, sir," she acquiesced, then stood up from the bed.

Daniel chucked his thumb behind them. "Well, if it's all the same to you, Jack, I kinda wanna head back to 482."

Jack nodded. "Teal'c?"

Standing silently by the entrance with his arms behind his back, he returned the nod. "I do not believe my presence is necessary at the SGC for the time being."

"You wanna go explore, too?"

Teal'c nodded with a gracious yet smug smile. He already knew that Jack would let him go.

"All right, campers, have fun."

As Daniel and Teal'c vacated the room, the remaining member of SG-1 stood stationary next to a monitor. With an understanding sigh, Jack walked over to her and stood shoulder to shoulder. "Whatcha lookin' at?"

"Blood work, CAT scans. Anything that could give us a clue about this. It's just, they seem too similar to the life forms that we encountered four years ago on M4C-862—"

"Carter…"

"Sir."

Jack blew out a breath. "It's late. Go home."

"Sir—" she protested, turning to face him.

"Sam," he replied firmly, grasping her shoulders cautiously. "Let Doc Fraiser worry about this for now. That's her job anyway." He pulled his hands back slowly, finding her eyes and smiling at her. "Besides, according to my watch, your vacation started five minutes ago."

Carter pressed her lips together, then nodded in acceptance. "Okay," she replied in a whisper, staring down at her shoes.

Jack tilted his head, suddenly concerned. This wasn't like Carter. Normally she would nod her head and go on to the next thing. But whatever this was, it was getting to her.

And he didn't like stuff _getting_ to Carter.

"You want a ride home?" he asked softly.

"No, I'll be fine. Guess I just … need some sleep."

Jack nodded, content with her answer. "All right. Then I'll see you in a week. Have fun."

As she nodded good night and walked out of the infirmary, leaving Jack standing there alone, he started to wonder if she was onto something. Their respective scans were still lit up on the monitor, and he took a moment to admire the one on the right. He was no scientist, but he swore, chuckling lightly to himself, that more areas of her brain were lit up than his.

He narrowed his eyes, almost squinting, then backed up as he blinked rapidly. "Yep. Same here," he grumbled, turning as he left the infirmary as clueless as he was when he walked in.

* * *

><p>The soft yellow paint on her bedroom walls, lit up to a brilliant orange as the morning rays blazed through her windows, was what awakened Sam the next morning, not the alarm clock that usually suffered a beating.<p>

She groaned, then stretched. Despite being on vacation and O'Neill all but ordering her to lay off, she had stayed up well after midnight, pouring over the data that Janet had collected the evening before. It still yielded no results for her, and she was starting to get a little frustrated – disappointed, even – with herself.

Laying her forearm over her eyes, she groaned again. She felt ridiculous now. She had whined to Daniel about everything that she could do on vacation, and now that she had no obligations this morning, all she wanted to do was lay in bed.

_Yep. Something was _definitely _wrong_.

Then she wondered if this was how normal people took a vacation.

She allowed herself a small smile, then pushed herself out of the bed, bare feet pressing against the cool hardwood floors on her way to the kitchen.

She gathered the ingredients for the protein shake that she had made for herself each morning for the past couple of days. With a quick glance over the containers in her pantry, she chose strawberry.

Then her stomach lurched.

Sam's eyes widened as her hands pressed against the edge of the countertop, the only thing holding her upright at the moment.

She had felt this before. Very recently.

What she hadn't felt for a while was the sudden rise of vomit that was about to pass her gag reflex.

She barely made it to the bathroom in time.

The remainder of last night's dinner now resting in the toilet bowl, she leaned back on her knees, dry heaving, as she reached for a wad of toilet paper to wipe her mouth.

She groaned, throwing it away and leaning against the wall. The fact that she never threw up was disturbing enough. But having felt that same stomach pain yesterday, just after the light disappeared through her, was unsettling.

She shook her head. Maybe she was just overreacting. Not a very typical Carter move, but it happened. Once in a while. Occasionally.

Never.

Letting out a sigh as her normal breathing pattern resumed, she considered the phone on the cradle just inside her bedroom. Maybe she should call Janet. Then again, she thought as she contemplated the questionable food from her fridge that she had eaten last night, maybe this was just food poisoning.

She quickly compared the choices. Food poisoning, or alien parasite?

She chose food poisoning.

* * *

><p>Jack turned on the lights inside his office and, seeing the pile of paperwork, quickly turned them off.<p>

It was a Saturday, for crying out loud. He wasn't sure how he had ended up working today, instead of being at home, watching the college games with a cold beer in his hand. He groaned as he walked through the ready room, then down the stairwell into the control room. There were days he didn't like being "the man".

"How's everything going down here, Walter?"

The sergeant looked up at O'Neill through his glasses. As he spoke, Jack wondered if he _ever_ went home. "Right on schedule. We have a dial-in from SG-9 in a few minutes, and then SG-5 is heading out at 0900."

"Glad I'm not the only one who's stuck working Saturday," Jack replied with a lilt in his voice.

Walter chuckled. "Yes, sir."

Jack patted his shoulder. "Well, looks as though you've got things here covered. I'm going for a stroll on the lido deck."

Walter nodded, then turned his attention back to the computer.

Just as he neared the doorway leading out of the control room, Jack paused and did a double take at Walter. He conjured an image of him, appearing as Radar from M*A*S*H with the green army cap and the earphones covering his head.

Jack smiled, then shook his head, erasing the image.

His slow walk around the corridors and an elevator ride unconsciously led him to the infirmary. He stuck his head in the door, noting that the good doctor sat in her office without any patients around.

"Doctor Fraiser."

Janet Fraiser looked up from a report she had been perusing with a weary smile. "General. To what do I owe this visit?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "No particular reason. I was just out walking around, thought maybe I would … drop by."

She flashed a quick smile. "Well, while you're up here—"

"Ah!" he replied quickly, raising a hand. "My physical is next month. You'll just hafta wait until then to torture me."

Janet chuckled. "Actually, I wanted to ask if you had been experiencing anything unusual lately."

"Well, there is a certain pain in my rear."

Fraiser tilted her head. "No, I had something more specific in mind. Nausea, vomiting, light-headedness? Anything?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary," he replied. Upon seeing a slight headshake from the petite doctor, Jack slipped his hands into his pockets. "Why, what's wrong?"

"Sam called me, just a few minutes ago. Said she started throwing up this morning. She thought maybe it was something she had eaten."

"Carter's got an iron stomach," Jack remarked with a frown. "That doesn't sound like her."

"I agree. Which is why I asked her to come in." Fraiser looked at him with concern. "If it isn't food poisoning, and it has something to do with your incident on 482, we may need to reschedule your physical, General."

"Don't tease me like that, Doc," Jack replied with a smile as he turned, preparing to walk away.

He heard a slight pounding, one that he knew all too well as the sound of running on the floor, and Carter appeared at the door, holding her arm in front of her mouth. "Excuse me," she said, pitching her body towards a nearby garbage can, making it just in time as she vomited.

Jack's brown eyes widened in concern. "Carter, you okay?"

"I … I don't know," she said, reaching for a towel and wiping her mouth.

Janet ran quickly around her desk and touched Carter on the shoulder. "Sam, how many times have you vomited so far?"

She shook her head. "Just twice. I felt nauseous on the way over but it didn't hit me until just now."

"Did you have any breakfast?"

"Protein shake, that's all. I've had one each day for the past week and I've never had any problems."

"Let's get you into the scanner, just to be sure. Calloway," Janet called to a passing nurse, "I want to get blood work started on Colonel Carter."

"You just did our blood work," Jack replied evenly. "Would anything really change that much in twenty four hours?"

"We won't know until we do it. Might as well hang around, General. You're up next."

Jack grimaced, then took a seat on a bed.

* * *

><p>Next: what startling news does Sam receive?<p>

… Like y'all don't already know!


	3. Unwelcome Surprises

**Chapter 3 - "Unwelcome Surprises"**

**Author's Notes**: Same disclaimer as before. This chapter has received more revision, so hopefully it's a tiny bit more accurate. If not ... well, I tried.

* * *

><p>Sam slightly panicked when Janet handed her a glass jar with a black screw on lid.<p>

"Janet, you've got to be kidding."

"The bloodwork says I'm not."

"I'm confused."

The women looked at Jack O'Neill, straddling the back of a chair and looking bored out of his mind.

Sam sighed. "Janet wants me to give a urine sample."

"I didn't have to."

"Well, sir, your bloodwork isn't showing elevated levels of progesterone, as well as higher than normal levels of hCG."

Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Janet—"

"I'm only asking you to take this test to … disprove a hypothesis, more than anything. If it's wrong, then we'll keep looking."

"What if it's not wrong?" Sam asked quietly, raising her blue eyes to meet those of her best friend.

Janet began to reply, but sighed instead. "One step at a time, okay?"

Jack's eyes flew between them, then gave a little gasp as his mind finally made the connection. "I didn't know pregnancy tests were a standard test for a physical," he deadpanned, attempting to add some levity to the situation.

Sam groaned. "Believe me, sir, I do not want to be doing this."

"Because … you're worried it may turn out positive?"

She stared at him with a straight face, despite the flurry of emotions just beneath the surface.

Thankfully, Janet interceded. "The nausea and vomiting that Sam has experienced could easily be attributed to morning sickness. Also, her blood work showed elevated hormone levels, consistent with an early pregnancy. Of course, the naquadah in her blood could be playing games with me, but we're doing the test to find out."

"All right, let's get this over with," Sam finally said, effectively ending the conversation for now as she took the cup in her hand and walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

A few minutes later, she exited, holding the cup firmly in hand. She glanced upwards at the man looking at her nervously. His brown eyes were wide with anxiety and dread. The now grey hair was being mussed around as he ran a hand through it, and judging by the various directions it was pointing, she doubted it was the first time.

Janet extended her hand for the urine sample and Sam quickly gave it to her.

"So … what's the answer?" O'Neill asked.

Sam sighed, crossing her arms. "It takes a few minutes to run it through the computer."

He nodded curtly, then rose from his chair, slowly pacing towards the door. "I'll be back in a little bit."

As she watched him leave, a thousand thoughts flooded her mind. The fact that she had even had to pee in a cup to run a pregnancy test when she hadn't slept with anyone was bizarre enough. The irrational fear that she knew it would come back positive was even more disconcerting.

She shut her eyes, folding her hands over her face, and leaned her elbows on the table next to her.

Even though Janet had expedited the results, it still felt like an eternity until Janet called out to her. "Sam?"

The tone worried Sam.

And just then, Jack wandered back into the infirmary.

Sam gave him a pleading look, and he nodded. They knew each other well enough that, whatever the outcome would be, this wouldn't leave the room on account of them.

She almost hung her head in despair as the thought floated across her mind. There were some things that had been left in a room for far too long, but she quickly berated herself. This was _not_ the time to even be thinking about that.

The general and the colonel walked into Janet's office. "So, what's the answer?"

Janet sighed, then laid the test results on her desk. "It's positive," she softly replied, and Sam's world began to spin.

* * *

><p>After the news, Sam had stood and walked out of the infirmary. Personally, Janet didn't blame her.<p>

"There is no logical explanation for it, General, but Sam is pregnant. The evidence speaks for itself," she told him as he sat back in a chair, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes.

"Carter isn't even seeing anyone. At least, not that I've heard about." Jack glanced up at the doctor. "You?"

Janet shook her head. "To be honest, I'm at a loss for an explanation. The only one I could even conceive of—" She bit her tongue at her unfortunate choice of words. "—is immaculate conception. And unless God is floating around Colorado Springs, I've got nothing." The doctor wrote something down on a pad as she heard dragging feet as Sam walked back into the room.

Her arms were loosely crossed, more for comfort than in defense. "Can we keep this between us?"

Jack held his hands up. "Of course."

"Sam, I am slightly worried about a few things," Janet interjected, causing the astrophysicist to stare at her.

"Like what?" Sam asked, taking a seat.

"Normally, a urine sample wouldn't confirm a pregnancy until the tenth week or so, seeing as how they're not as sensitive as blood work. But judging by the levels that I detected, as well as the sudden onset of symptoms, I would hazard a guess that you've only been pregnant for maybe two days."

Sam digested the information awkwardly. "I've only been … _pregnant_ for a few days. But my body is acting like I'm at ten weeks?"

Janet raised her eyebrows in disbelief as she opened the file. "Considering all of the strange incidents I've witnessed since being here at the SGC, I think this tops the list."

"So I'm mysteriously pregnant, and the … baby is growing at the speed of light." Sam chuckled. "Tell me this is just a bad dream."

Jack's head dropped lightly and Janet shook hers.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Yep, this definitely takes the cake. Speaking of which, I'm hungry. My breakfast never reached its intended location."

"_Definitely_ pregnant," Jack mumbled.

Sam shot him a look, then quickly returned her attention to Janet. "Can you refer me to an obstetrician?"

"Mm-hmm. Doctor Teresa Sanders works in town, but she's the on call OB/GYN for the local military installations."

"What about the naquadah?"

"Oh, Tessa is read in on the Stargate program. Won't be an issue."

Sam nodded, eyes blinking. Janet realized that the name was probably unfamiliar to her, even though other airmen and officers on base with children had known her for years.

Then she realized the truth as it hit her in the face like a bucket of cold water. Sam never expected to have a family. For her, given her line of work, having a baby was a near improbability. She hadn't even been on a date in who knows how long.

Sam groaned, leaning back in her seat, and Janet felt for her.

Jack patted her on the arm. "Don't worry, Carter. This stays between us. I think the less people that know, the better."

"I agree." Staring forlornly at her stomach, she added, "I just wish I didn't know."

Janet sighed, clasping her hands on the desktop. "We should do an ultrasound. If the fetus is growing at an accelerated rate, the scan would give us an approximate physiological age. Depending on how fast it's growing, we may be able to do an amniocentesis procedure tomorrow morning and determine its origins."

Sam nodded. "And in the meantime?"

"We probably should get you started on a prenatal vitamin supplement. It couldn't hurt, and who knows how the naquadah could affect it."

As her friend glanced down at her now-flat stomach once more, Janet's heart broke for her. Even though Cassie was a blessing to her life, sometimes she felt a pang of misery knowing that she didn't have the opportunity to carry her, to bring her into the world. Now that her best friend was on the other side, pregnant through unknown circumstances, she would barely be able to experience the joy of carrying a child before it would be born.

Janet sighed, then began to write down instructions.

* * *

><p>Jack walked through the door of his house and sighed, closing it softly behind him. This day had been a total fiasco. All he wanted to do was grab a six-pack out of the fridge, park it on the floor next to the couch, and fall asleep watching something from ESPN.<p>

Unfortunately, he was out of Guinness.

D'oh.

And without beer, he couldn't grill his steaks correctly, either.

He turned and opened the door again, noticing a silver car pulling into his driveway.

_Carter_.

She sat inside for a moment, looking like she was trying to rally herself.

Jack pressed his lips together, then waved.

Her wide eyes stared back at him. Then she returned the motion and hastily opened her door.

"Hey Carter. Long time no see."

"Yes, sir," she replied, opening the door behind her as Jack walked over.

"What's up?"

"Well, I got home and I started looking for something to eat, and then I realized that I had a pack of beer left in my fridge from the last time that Daniel and Teal'c came over."

"You had beer left over?" Jack asked with a raised eyebrow.

Carter glanced up as she picked a brown bag up from the seat. "You were in Washington for a budget meeting, sir."

_That's the reason there's some left over_.

"Ah."

"Anyhow, it's a stupid excuse to get in my car and drive someplace, but I figured that you might want it, seeing as how we drank yours last weekend."

"Carter."

"And then I realized that I may need to run to Target and buy some maternity sized clothes and I just—"

"Carter." Jack was standing two feet in front of her now, and he reached out to grasp her shaking arms, partly to calm her and partly to rescue the beer if need be.

"Sir," she replied softly, looking up at him. "I feel like I'm going to start sobbing any minute now, and I would really prefer not to do it in front of you. In your driveway."

Jack nodded in understanding. "Then how about inside while I make some dinner?"

"I don't … I mean—"

"It's no bother. You never are."

Blue eyes met his and gave him a quick nod.

He took the beer from her and she followed him in.

The DVR had been queued up to watch one of the playoff games from the Stanley Cup, but Jack grabbed the remote and turned it off.

Carter spoke quickly, "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't mean to mess up your plans—"

"You didn't, it's fine, stop apologizing for something you didn't do," Jack replied softly. He glanced at her quickly, then walked into the kitchen. "If Teal'c and Daniel needed a night off, I'd do the same for them."

"Yeah, I don't think they're going to be dealing with an unexpected pregnancy any time soon."

"Hey, anything's possible. Ya know, the more I think about it, that should be the new motto for the Stargate program. Whatdya think?"

She smiled. "I don't know, sir. It's kind of cliché."

"Perfect."

She giggled, and he let her.

* * *

><p>Two servings of mashed potatoes and a steak later, Sam was lounging on the couch as Jack grabbed the remote and turned the game back on. "You don't mind?"<p>

"No. To tell you the truth, I never followed sports that much growing up. Guess I've got a lot of making up to do."

"Then let's start with hockey, shall we?"

Sam laughed.

* * *

><p>Sam crawled into her bed a little later than she usually did, but being able to attribute the lateness to an enjoyable evening with a friend made her more relaxed than usual.<p>

She pulled the covers up to her chest and sighed, eyes slowly closing as she drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, she awoke with a startle. Something didn't feel right.

Oh no. Not morning sickness again.

She tried to jump to her feet but found a hindrance in her way.

Her blue eyes widened like saucers.

"Oh holy Hannah," she softly murmured at her protruding stomach.

* * *

><p>Jack O'Neill walked into the base, a determined frown on his face as he pressed his hand against the palm scanner so quickly that he barely waited for the airman to approve it. Ever since a phone call that had woken him up way too early, his mind was running in circles.<p>

He fumbled for his keycard for the elevator, which thankfully opened quicker than he expected.

It quickly took him to level 25.

Jack picked up the pace a little as he approached the locker rooms.

When he entered, Janet Frasier was standing outside a shower stall, fully dressed. Her arms were crossed as she glared at the drawn curtain.

O'Neill pointed to the curtain. "Saving it for later?" he said, attempting to add some levity to the situation.

"Janet, please tell me that you did not call the general in on his day off," Samantha Carter's voice rang out in agitation from within the stall.

He shook his head. When the doctor called, he had been hoping that she had been making this up, or playing an April Fool's joke on him. Yes, it was a few days past, but she was crafty.

"Given the situation, I felt that the general needed to be apprised. I have nothing to do with the fact that he came in on his day off."

"Janet, I'm not coming out. Just leave me alone, okay?"

Jack narrowed his eyes, truly confused. "Can someone fill me in? I feel like I may have missed something."

Janet motioned away from the shower. Still in earshot, she whispered, "We did the amniocentesis procedure this morning."

"Ahh," he replied, still clueless.

Then the phone rang.

Janet walked over to answer it. "Frasier. Okay, keep it elevated. I'll be there in a minute." She hung up and motioned to the door. "Infirmary. I got to go."

She mouthed, _Can you try and get her out?_

Jack gave her a thumb's up and she left.

He sighed. Rapping his knuckles on the curtain, he asked, "Hey, Carter, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Jack smirked, then against his better judgment he started clucking like a chicken. He realized that this might cost _him_ a trip to the infirmary, but he didn't care.

If Carter was acting like a five year old, so would he.

She scoffed at him. "I'm not acting like a chicken," she replied quietly in self-defense.

"Carter, you're hiding in the shower after a doctor's visit," he slowly enunciated, letting the words linger for a moment. "I know what your IQ is, and this does not add up."

The silence between them lasted about five seconds until she finally spoke. "I don't want anybody to see me."

O'Neill nodded. _At least she's starting to talk_. "Oookay. Why not?"

"Because I ballooned overnight."

Jack shrugged. "Hey, it was your choice to eat five helpings of mashed potatoes."

She laughed, then stifled it. "It's just … I wasn't pregnant a week ago. And now I look like I'm starting my second trimester."

"So, you don't want people judging you and talking about you behind your back?" he asked, hoping he was right.

A pause, then: "Yeah, that's it. Exactly."

O'Neill almost laughed, but he didn't want to answer to Carter. Besides, it sounded like she was still trying to convince herself that was what she was thinking. He lowered his voice. "You're worried about the test results. Aren't you?"

She sighed. Then the metal rings that held the curtain to the rod slowly began to move aside.

Sam cautiously stepped out, dressed in a pair of baggy jeans, an oversized Air Force sweatshirt, and black flip flops. And as she lifted the sweatshirt off her body, Jack found that she wasn't exaggerating. When he had said goodbye the night before, she didn't show.

The regulation black t-shirt, usually a little loose, stretched tightly around her swollen abdomen. She didn't look as pregnant as she thought she did, but she hadn't just won an eating contest either.

She put the sweatshirt back down and closed the curtain. "All right. I'm out."

Jack couldn't help but sigh in empathy. "Carter…"

"Sir, I'm worried about the results, yes. But I meant it when I said that I don't want people talking behind my back." She moved and sat down on a bench. "I've worked hard for my job. But along the way, there were always people who whispered about how I must have slept my way to the top. It didn't stop when I got transferred to the SGC. It actually got worse."

Jack sat down next to her. "Carter, we deal with all kinds of crazy crap through the Stargate. Nobody that has known you for the past eight years would accuse you of that, especially in these circumstances. And they would hurt anyone who does."

Sam looked up, still not looking completely convinced.

Jack bit his lip. "Most people are going to be coming up to you like they normally do, wanting a piece of your mind. They aren't going to be focusing on your stomach." He quickly leaned over and looked at her feet. "Or your ankles."

She laughed and followed suit.

"They're always going to see _you_. Samantha Carter, world class genius. Just like I do."

She brought her head back up and looked at him in earnest, evaluating his face. There was nothing dishonest in what he said, and she knew that.

She just had to understand it.

She smiled warmly. "Thanks, sir. I needed that."

He patted her shoulder. "That's what I'm here for."

The phone on the wall rang, and he motioned for her to remain seated while he answered. "O'Neill. Yeah. Uh-huh. Okay, we'll be there in a minute."

When he hung up, Carter was looking intently at him. "What?"

He turned, then pointed behind him at the phone. "That was Frasier. Results are in. Said she wants to see us both."

Carter raised her eyebrows, then stood up slowly. "Well, let's get this over with."

* * *

><p>As Sam walked to Janet's office, General O'Neill stayed with her, protectively glaring at anyone who got in the way or started to ask questions. And she appreciated it. The scientist in her wanted to know how this baby just magically appeared within her. The Air Force colonel wanted to know if this could be a threat.<p>

The woman in her was scared to death.

As her office door came into view, Sam began to slow, but she felt his hand on her shoulder, gently guiding her inside.

She resisted for a moment, turning to face him, full of dread.

"It's gonna be okay. Probably not the wackiest thing that we've ever encountered, right?"

Sam exhaled heavily. "Right," she repeated, trying to persuade herself that the idea was true.

O'Neill tapped on the door. "You wanted to see us?"

Janet Frasier looked up from her desk. "Come on in. Have a seat."

As Sam sat down, Jack stayed standing. "So, what's up?"

Frasier raised her eyebrows as she pulled a file folder from her desktop. "Based on the amniocentesis procedure that I performed on Sam, the genetic material of the fetus is 100% human. And a match to her DNA."

"All of it? Like a clone?" Sam replied.

Janet slowly shook her head. "No, there's a Y chromosome, which indicates a father."

"And … it's a boy," Sam slowly whispered, hanging her head.

Jack remembered enough from his high school biology class to recall where the Y came from. He held a fist up to his mouth in worry.

"I _was_ able to extract enough material to run a paternity test. I ran it through the military database, specifically active duty personnel here at the SGC." She opened the folder, then her eyes suddenly widened.

"Doc?"

Janet looked up, mouth agape as she tried to find words. "I hadn't examined the results. I was waiting for you to come in."

"Janet." Sam's firm call of her name seemed to sober her up, and she raised her head straight, turning the paperwork around so that Sam could see it.

"The DNA is a match to General Jack O'Neill."

Sam's head turned so quickly that she was amazed it didn't fall off.

Jack stood behind the other chair, arms crossed, looking expectant, but as the news sunk in, his arms dropped. And so did his jaw. "Excuse me?"

"You're the father," Janet slowly said.

"No I'm not," Jack retorted, staring back at Carter.

"Sir, the tests are conclusive. If we were in a court of law, you would be declared the father with no room for doubt."

"It's against regulations!" Jack cried out.

Sam just shook her head. "You've gotta be kidding me," she murmured, more to herself in shock than in regards to O'Neill's outburst.

"General, with all due respect, there isn't any indication that this baby was made the usual way. Especially considering its growth rate. But the tests are irrefutable."

"No, no. Doc, I know you've been doing this for a while, but are you sure this was the right test?"

"Yes, General, I am," she replied firmly.

Sam stood up and held up a hand. "Sir, for the love of God, back off."

"Carter, I just got told by Doc Frasier that I knocked you up when I've never even knocked. I'm allowed to be a little cynical."

"Keep in mind that you're not the one who's carrying her commanding officer's baby," Sam replied sternly, neglecting to tack on a "sir" at the end and not caring.

"Before we get all riled up, anymore than we already are," Janet interjected, throwing a pointed glare at both of them, "can you think of any possible explanation?"

Jack just shook his head. He sat down, propped his elbows on the table and folded his hands over his mouth. "Nada."

Then it hit Carter like a lightning strike. "The trinium."

They turned to face her. "The other lifeform."

"Back me up, Carter."

She turned to look at him. "When we were on 482, we detected another life sign but dismissed it, attributing it to the large amount of flora on the planet. The location with the highest concentrations was the trinium caves."

Jack paused to process. "You think you're pregnant because of a _tree_?"

Sam shrugged. "It's possible. Think about it: how do plants normally reproduce? The seedlings from one blow to another, or a bee carries the pollen to another flower and pollinates it. Maybe I'm the bee. The life form blew to me and somehow impregnated me."

"That may be, but it still doesn't explain how the general is the biological father, or why the DNA is human instead of flora," Janet objected.

Then O'Neill lifted his head straight up. "That annoying lightning bug."

"What bug?" Janet asked, curiously glancing between the two officers.

"It looked almost like a lightning bug. I literally thought one passed through me. It disappeared when it hit my vest, then I turned around and saw it there."

"That happened to me too," Sam said. "That was the reason why we returned so early. I was startled because it reminded me of the energy based lifeforms that we encountered four years ago at an offworld base. Except that they swarmed one of the scientists and killed him. They didn't seem to have that effect. Just … extreme discomfort," she added, wriggling in her seat.

Janet nodded. "Then this – thing – passed through the general, collected his genetic material, then entered Sam, deposited it, and began the process of reproduction." She shook her head but chuckled lightly. "Despite this being one of the craziest theories I've ever heard, it also sounds the most plausible."

"But why would it do that? And why is the fetus growing so fast?" Sam wondered.

"That I can't explain. But in any case, we will have a baby here in roughly ten days." Janet looked between them. "I know it's not what you were planning on, but you'd better start thinking about how you're going to take care of this baby."

* * *

><p>"So. Wow."<p>

Carter nodded at his short statement, seemingly unable to voice any coherent thoughts of her own. "Yeah."

They turned down the corridor and headed for the elevator.

"You should go home. It's your day off, anyway. For cryin' out loud, you're supposed to be 2,000 miles away this week."

"Yeah, I don't think a bikini is gonna look too good on me right now."

"You'd be surprised," Jack tried to mutter quietly under his breath, but apparently it wasn't quiet enough.

Sam elbowed him.

"Anyhow, I'm already here, and give my current state, I don't feel like going home right now. So I'm going to go hide out in my lab."

"Sure you don't want any blue jello?"

She smiled. "Maybe later. For now, I'm just trying to make sure that breakfast stays down."

As the elevator enveloped her and took her up to level 19, Jack turned on his heel and headed to the mess hall, hands shoved forlornly in his pockets. The isolation allowed him a moment with his thoughts. His mind was throbbing with the implications. Through very unnatural causes, he was going to be a father again.

And, ironically, with the woman he cared too much about but could never be with.

"Oh, the irony," he half mumbled to himself as he rounded a corner.

"What's that, Jack?"

He stopped in his tracks as Daniel and Teal'c came up behind him from a side corridor, dressed in normal BDUs.

"I thought you guys went back to 482."

"We did, but a massive monsoon set in last night so we gated back. Once it dries out a little, we'll head back." Daniel glanced at him. "So, did we miss anything exciting?"

Little did the archeologist know how spot on his question was.

Jack couldn't stop himself.

"Well, due to immaculate conception from a frickin' lightning bug, Carter is now three months pregnant, and I'm the father. Any questions?"

And with that, he walked back towards the mess hall.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Next chapter is in the works! Thanks for reading!


	4. Are Congratulations In Order?

**A/N**: Hello, everybody, and thank you for your patience! Life has been crazy lately and the muses have been on vacation, but I finally wrangled one of them long enough to write a little more for this story! Sorry for a short chapter, but more is coming soon. Scout's honor.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything. Just a couple seasons of SG-1 on DVD.

* * *

><p>Daniel stared down the corridor, then turned back to Teal'c. "Did he just say what I think he said, or am I dreaming?"<p>

Teal'c said nothing, but extended a hand and pinched him on the arm.

"Ow, Teal'c, what the – what did you do that for?"

"I believed that it was acceptable on this world to pinch a person who expressed skepticism of an event that they have just witnessed, is it not?"

"Yeah," Daniel conceded with a sigh, rubbing his arm, "but usually only when the person in question specifically says 'pinch me'. But good job on your research," he added, causing a slight nod from Teal'c.

He paused for a moment, holding a fist to his mouth as he contemplated what Jack had just said. "Do you think … what I mean is, should we go see Sam?"

"Is there a reason we shouldn't?"

"Well, judging from how Jack reacted, I can't imagine how Sam is feeling."

"Then perhaps she would appreciate a visit from a friend," Teal'c intoned, beginning to walk the opposite direction.

"Oh no. I'm not going by myself," Daniel replied, grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the elevator doors.

Teal'c smiled, humoring Daniel's gesture as he attempted to pull his arm.

"Okay, fine. But I think in this situation, two is better than one."

With that final cliché, Teal'c nodded solemnly and they began making their way towards Carter's lab.

* * *

><p>Sam always found it amusing when someone would knock on the edge of the solid metal door when they walked into her lab. The door was already open; there wasn't much point. Yet hearing the everyday rap of knuckles felt more human that someone sharply calling for her.<p>

This time, Daniel and Teal'c walked into the lab.

Suddenly self-conscious, she pulled the sweatshirt down her abdomen and forced a smile as she glanced up at them. "Hey guys. I thought you were still on 482."

"We got rained out, so we headed back early." Daniel pointed a thumb behind him. "Ran into Jack."

"Yeah?" she replied, staring so intensely at her computer screen that she was surprised that it didn't catch on fire. Knowing where this conversation was about to lead, she forced herself to stay seated.

"Yeah," Daniel repeated.

"What'd he say?"

"Well, you know him. He doesn't say much, but he conveys a lot."

"You've got a lousy poker face, you know that?" she replied curtly, turning to glare at him.

"Yeah," he replied quietly.

Sam turned. "Teal'c?"

"General O'Neill informed us that you have unexpectedly become with child," Teal'c replied somberly. "However, given the circumstances in which it happened, I am unsure as to whether I should offer my congratulations."

"Let's hold off on that for a while, okay?" Sam said, crossing her arms.

"What happened?" Daniel asked, taking a step closer.

"What did the general tell you?" she asked.

"Something about an offworld bug and immaculate conception," Daniel replied.

She nodded to the side, pursing her lips. "What do you know? He got it right." When Daniel raised an eyebrow, she added, "We believe that somehow, the glowing lifeform that we saw on 482 harvested genetic material from General O'Neill and then deposited it in me, causing conception." Her hands moved to the hem of her sweatshirt and slowly pulled it upwards.

Daniel knew her well enough to know that she didn't take up binge eating in a day. "Whoa," he replied, seeing her slightly expanded belly pressing against the fabric of her black shirt.

"Suffice it to say, this isn't your run of the mill pregnancy. Janet estimates that the baby is about 10 weeks old but at the rate it's growing, it'll be full-term in about two weeks."

Daniel's mouth hung open as he searched for a reply, but all he could come up with was "wow".

"Yeah," she softly replied, draping her sweatshirt over her stomach. She shrugged. "But please, no baby showers or corny jokes. It's hard enough to deal with this as it is."

"Yeah, no, I understand. Is there anything we can do?" Daniel asked, motioning between him and the Jaffa.

She shook her head and forced a brief smile. "If you brought back anymore samples, or if you found anything else, let me know."

Daniel shook his head. "The storm hit pretty quick. We didn't have a lot of time to finish surveying the area. If it looks better in the morning, we may head back."

Sam nodded, then turned her attention again to her computer.

Daniel placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, then headed for the door. Teal'c nodded and followed behind him.

Once they were out of sight, Sam leaned back in her seat and expelled a sharp sigh. Attempting to conceal this pregnancy was now impossible. She wouldn't be able to wear baggy sweats for much longer.

With that, she reached for the phone and dialed O'Neill's office extension.

* * *

><p>Walter Harriman was the first to see the light come back on in O'Neill's office. He slid his chair back, stood, and went up the stairs, a folded piece of paper in hand. Winding his way through the conference room, he raised his hand to knock but paused for a moment.<p>

The comments of some newer personnel were unsettling to him. Anyone who had worked here long enough were aware of the undying loyalty that every single officer and airman had for each other. To insinuate that Carter had slept her way to the top and was now suffering the consequences put a bitter taste in his mouth that nothing would quite get rid of.

And yet, the message in his hand seemed to prove him wrong.

He sighed, and finally knocked.

"Come in," O'Neill called from the other side.

He slowly opened the door. "General?"

"Yeah?" he replied, opening the laptop computer on his desk.

"Colonel Carter left a message for you." He handed it to his CO, then promptly withdrew his hands behind his back.

O'Neill opened it, read it quickly, then looked up at Walter. "Is she still on base?"

"No, sir. Colonel Carter gave me this message half an hour ago. Topside security confirmed that she left base fifteen minutes ago."

O'Neill nodded. "All right. Thanks, Walter."

"Yes, sir," he replied, turning to exit the way that he had entered.

But he stopped, did an about 180, and spoke. "Sir?"

"Yes, Walter?"

Wringing his hands together, trying to phrase this in the best way possible, he slowly started, "It's come to my attention that some of the newer personnel on base have made some … disrespectful remarks about Colonel Carter's situation. Not only are they disparaging of her, but of yourself, sir."

"Yeah, I had a feeling the rumor mill was gonna start up again." O'Neill sighed, running a hand over his face, then turned back to the sergeant. "What about you?"

"Sir?"

"What about you?" he repeated quietly.

Walter didn't even hesitate. "Sir, I've worked here for eight years. I have seen an inordinate amount of impossible things. It's easier to accept them. And I know and respect the officers on this base. I know that what they're saying couldn't be farther from the truth."

O'Neill nodded. "How do you know?"

"Because I trust you and Colonel Carter to always do the right thing."

The general made a face that, to any other person who did not know him, could be construed as a frown. But to the people who had been by his side for years, it was the best way he could show how touched he was.

Walter nodded at him. "Is there anything you need, sir?"

"No, not right now. Thank you."

"Yes, sir," Walter replied, turning and leaving the office, intent on having a stern word with the people who started smirking when they'd accidentally read the note.

* * *

><p>Jack opened the note after Walter shut the door.<p>

_"I'll be in the maternity section of Target if you need me. SC"_

He sighed, crumpled up the note, and reached for his phone.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Next chapter is already in the works! Stay tuned... and thanks again!


	5. Topsy Turvy

**A/N: **Sorry I was away for so long. Summer break hit me and rendered me somewhat comatose for the first few weeks. But I'm back, and so are my muses!

This chapter ranges from comfort to angst to crack, so beware. It's as topsy turvy as a pregnant woman's emotions. (See what I did there?)

Anyhow, please enjoy and we'll see you soon!

* * *

><p>The Target in Colorado Springs was on the north end of town. By the time that Jack made his way out of the mountain, got on the interstate and pulled into the parking lot, almost an hour had gone by since he read Carter's note.<p>

Despite it being a Sunday afternoon, it wasn't as busy as he had expected and he found Carter's Volvo parked pretty close to the front.

He parked in front of it and walked inside.

Once he turned the corner and found himself staring at a Starbucks, he began second-guessing his decision. Walter had already mentioned how some people on base were gossiping about the two of them, and even though there was no foundation for it, he was wondering if being seen in the maternity section of Target was such a great idea after all.

Then Sam Carter came around the corner with an empty cart and almost hit him.

"Oh! Sir, I'm sorry, I didn't even see you there," she tried apologizing, in spite of the fact that the cart was still a foot away from him.

"It's okay, Carter, you didn't hit me," he replied, holding up a hand. Noticing the Starbucks cup in her hand, he smiled. "Ya know, if you just wanted coffee, I would've gotten some for you."

She glanced down at it, blue eyes wide, and then looked up. Her smile let him know that she was aware he was kidding. "I've actually been sitting in the café for the last half hour, just having some alone time. It doesn't matter where you go on base. Someone will still find you."

Jack nodded. "This is true. I used to have hiding spots when Hammond was in charge. Now? Nada."

Sam smiled, then tapped her fingers on the handle of the cart. "So, what brings you to Target as well?"

"I got the note from Walter," he answered, stuffing his hands into his pants pockets. "Honestly, Carter, I don't know why I'm here, but I felt like I should be here."

"What about everyone on base?"

She wasn't stupid; he would never dream of calling her that. But she had to be aware of the gossiping murmurs that were floating around base just as much as he was.

"Let me deal with them. If we need Doc Fraiser to present a medical symposium to disprove their theories, we will. But for now, let's go find some shirts. I hear they're having a sale."

She laughed and he followed her.

* * *

><p>Sam walked in her door that night with three bags of clothes and a general carrying a box behind her. She still felt strange buying it. Given how odd this pregnancy was, she wasn't entirely sure that the baby would even use the swing before he was in elementary school.<p>

O'Neill shut the door behind her and carefully lowered the box to the floor. "You need anything?"

Sam glanced at the white Target bags that she had just set down on the table. "So far, I think I'm good. I have enough clothes for the next week and craving-wise, I'm not feeling anything so far."

The general nodded, rubbing his hands together. The fact that he was slowly inching back to the front door did not escape her notice.

"Thank you for coming with me. You didn't have to do that."

"Oh, pshaw," he replied, waving a hand at her lightly. "I didn't have anything else to do today."

"You're the commander of the SGC. I very much doubt that, sir."

He showed his hands in his pockets. "Well, maybe I wanted to go maternity shopping with my second in command."

"Did you hit your head? Only a moron would go shopping with a hormonal pregnant woman."

He forced a pointed glare in her direction, and she swallowed. "Sir."

Jack sighed, then took his hands out and paced around her to the kitchen. "I don't know, Carter. It just … it just felt right, you know?"

"Sir, you're the father of this … baby. But you're not the father."

He turned and looked over his shoulder as he opened the fridge. Probably searching for a beer hidden behind old Chinese takeout boxes. "That did _not_ make any sense."

She groaned. "You know what I mean. It's not like we're a fam—"

Saying one syllable was too much.

Jack stood up, letting the fridge door close. He pursed his lips, taking a step towards her. "Sam. I am very well aware that we're not family. And I am not at all responsible for your … current situation. And neither are you, but you've still got to go through it. Who says a friend can't help you out?"

Sam sighed, then crossed her arms. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"It's okay. Like you said. Crazy, hormonal, pregnant woman."

She nodded, allowing for a moment of silence.

"I didn't say crazy."

"Didn't you?" He smirked at her, and she couldn't help but smile. How did he have a knack for making you forget that you had just said something regrettably stupid?

Sam walked around the couch and sat down on the edge of it, careful of her stomach.

He followed her, taking a seat on the ottoman. "You gonna be okay?"

Her hand wandered to her stomach and rubbed it gently, no longer freaked out by the sensation. "I want my dad," she murmured quietly.

She felt him reach for her hand, tenderly taking it in his. "I'll have Walter dial the Tok'ra. We'll get him here."

"I mean, he may not make it before the baby's born, knowing how long it usually takes to get through to him."

"Hey."

Jack's voice was softer than it had been, causing Sam to look up.

"He'll be here. And until then, you've got me and Uncle T and Uncle Danny. Okay?"

She inhaled deeply, then laughed. She laid back on the couch and he pulled his hand back. "This is so messed up."

"We work at the SGC with a Stargate that travels to planets on the other side of the universe."

"Galaxy," she quietly corrected, still smiling.

"We've been replaced by robots. We've been sent back in time. We've had our memories wiped more times than I care to remember. To be honest, I'm surprised one of us hadn't gotten pregnant by an alien yet."

She raised an eyebrow. "'One of us'?"

"Hey, if Schwarzenegger can get pregnant in a Hollywood movie, then an alien could knock up one of us guys."

"Trust me, it's not as glamorous as it seems."

"I don't know, you seem to be glowing."

She smiled, then patted his hand. "Thank you."

"That's what I'm here for," he replied, standing up. "I'll see you in the morning?"

"I'll be there."

Jack smiled at her, then walked out the door.

Sam leaned back, patted her stomach, then sighed.

On the plus side, the baby wasn't going to get any bigger tonight.

* * *

><p>"Yeah?"<p>

Sam frowned at the sleepy tone that she heard on the other end of the phone. "You awake, sir?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"You've said yeah three times in our conversation. Actually, that's all you've said this morning."

She heard a breath on the other end. "I just woke up."

"You're still in bed?"

"Actually, on the couch. I started a Simpsons' marathon when I got home last night."

"Sir, it's nine o'clock."

"That it is."

"You had an 8:30 meeting with SG-14."

He groaned. "Crap."

"It's okay, I handled it. To be honest, I think I probably handled it better from the scientific end, anyway."

"Wait." She heard a noise that sounded like a bottle falling off the couch and onto a rug-covered floor. "You're already at work?"

"Yeah," she replied, turning sideways and looking at her profile in the reflection of the tracking window of the briefing room. "A little someone decided to start kicking me in the middle of the night. I've been here since six."

He groaned, probably from standing. "Sorry about that, Carter. But thanks."

"No problem. By the way, I've organized all the reports that you need to sign off on and Walter has cleared your schedule until you get in. Which would be at what time?"

"Right after I bring you breakfast from wherever you want."

"Cracker Barrel. Chicken fried chicken. And a side of hash brown casserole."

He paused. "You're on the red phone, aren't you?"

"Sir, I'm a lieutenant colonel in the United States Air Force who is four days pregnant with an alien baby and hasn't had breakfast."

"So. Not on the red phone."

"No, sir. Just hungry." She frowned. "What made you say that?"

"You sounded all authoritative. Thought maybe using the red phone was going to your head."

"Sir."

"Be there soon."

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading! Look for another chapter this week!<p> 


	6. Work In Progress

Hello, everyone!

I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to update my stories lately. I had to start working a second job so I've been averaging about 55-60 hours of work a week, and it barely leaves time for taking care of my house, much less writing fic.

But believe me, I intend on finishing this story. Sometime before I hit retirement.

Thanks for hanging around and leaving the positive reviews. They encourage me to continue, and I hope that you will enjoy the rest of the story when it finally makes its way here!

SW


	7. Work in Progress Part 2

Hey there, everybody!

I actually have another chapter that is ready to post, but FFdotnet is being a brat and not letting me load it! Add that to the fact that I will be out of town for the weekend means that y'all probably won't get to see it until next week!

But it is coming, I promise, so stay tuned! Thanks to everybody who has left reviews and is still waiting on this. I promise that I'll finish it before I die.

-SW


	8. That's What Friends Are For

A/N: I'm back! I had to copy and paste and reedit most of the chapter, but it's here! Thank you for your continued patience!

And on with the show!

* * *

><p>When Jack O'Neill finally stepped off the elevator on Level 19, he wasn't surprised that Carter almost came crashing around the corner.<p>

"Oh, thank God, sir," she murmured hastily as she began to grab for the brown to-go bag.

His eyes widened as she nearly ripped it away from him. "Did you have one of the guards tell you when I got here, or did you smell it all the way from your office?"

"I may have told Lieutenant Gregg that I was to be notified when the commanding officer, who is two hours late, arrived on base." Carter shot him a glare. "With all due respect, sir, you still owe me."

"When this is all over, Carter, you can take a vacation for as long as you like. Scout's honor," he promised, holding three fingers up in salute.

As he followed her back to her lab, he sighed quietly to himself. Her belly had finally reached the point where baggy clothes weren't cutting it anymore. He guessed that arriving here so early allowed her enough time to swap out her standard issue fatigues for maternity style.

The crap was definitely hitting the fan soon.

"How you feeling?"

She shrugged, setting the bag on the counter as soon as they entered her office. "As good as an alien-impregnated woman can be, sir."

"Anything I can do?"

She turned and threw him a confused glance, then shook her head. "Honestly, you've done so much for me already, sir. I can't think of anything else that I feel right asking of you."

Jack nodded uncomfortably. This was usually the point in the conversation when he started acting more like a worried father than a considerate commanding officer, and he noticed how her shoulders tensed up, as if she were preparing to be hit in the back.

And he hated that he was the one making her feel that way.

"All right, then. You know where to find me if you need anything."

"Yes, sir. And thanks again for breakfast."

"Yeah, sure, ya betcha," he grumbled to himself as he left.

* * *

><p>The instant that the general left her office, Sam put down the plastic fork and picked up her phone. Dialing the extension by heart, she waited until she heard the other line click. "This is Frasier."<p>

"He's doing it again."

"Who, General O'Neill?"

"Yeah, he's doing that massively overprotective father-to-be thing. And it's driving me nuts."

"So just tell him that he's being a little too intrusive right now."

"I can't, Janet. Every time he's around right now, he's just so caring that it makes me want to cry. And I can't risk that because I might not stop."

"Sam, the flux of emotions during pregnancy is normal. And it's even more intense in your case due to the rapid development of the fetus." Janet sighed on the other end. "Do you want me to talk with him?"

"No, it's okay. I'll be fine." She glanced down at her breakfast that was going cold, then sighed. "I'm actually in the middle of a project here, so I should probably go."

"All right. Let me know if you have any other problems."

"Will do."

About fifteen minutes later, the Styrofoam to-go box was in the garbage can and Carter was skimming through the reports that the SG teams had brought back from 482 when someone knocked on the open door. "Hey, Sam," Daniel greeted, sticking his head in the door.

"Daniel, hi. Come on in." Her eyes left the screen just long enough to see him. "What brings you down this way?"

"Oh, nothing spectacular," he replied, tucking his hands in his pockets. "I was just in the area and I thought I'd see if you needed help with anything."

_And so it begins_, Sam grumbled to herself.

She sat back from the monitor and sighed. "Like what, for instance?" Pointing sternly at the computer screen, she suggested, "Maybe you can analyze the mineral content levels for the third time today. Or maybe you want to give me a foot massage. Or possibly, and this is just an insane idea, you could work with Janet and figure out exactly what the—"

"Sam!" Daniel snapped, a little harder than he probably meant to.

It jerked Sam out of her rant. Her eyes closed slowly, and she pinched the bridge of her nose before slumping back in the chair. "Daniel, I'm sorry. I've just had a bad day."

He checked his watch before giving her a slightly sarcastic smile. "It's almost lunchtime."

She groaned, bringing her hands to cover her face. "I'm moody, biting, starving even though I just polished off a dinner from Cracker Barrel." Catching Daniel's raised eyebrow, she explained, "General O'Neill brought me breakfast since I covered for him in a briefing today."

Daniel shrugged, nodding his head. "It's the least he could do, considering his genetic material knocked you up."

Sam glared at the archeologist over the computer screen. "Too soon."

"I regretted it the instant I said it."

"Good." She turned her attention back to the computer, thinking that Daniel's conversation was done, but he walked a step towards her and put his hand on her shoulder. Releasing a sigh, she leaned back.

"Sam, you know we all love you. And we're trying to be here for you. We just don't know the best way to do that yet."

"I know," she replied softly. Patting his hand, she nodded. "This is new for me too."

"Well, hopefully the next time that this happens, you have a little bit more notice than three or four weeks, huh?"

Sam smiled, then let out a mirthless chuckle. "We'll see."

* * *

><p>AN: Thank you again for your patience! More will be posted this coming week!


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